snoburbia, the blog

bag du jour

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If you live in snoburbia and are of the female persuasion, you must own a Longchamp bag - or five.* 

Last summer I bought one. I had admired them a few times, as they are waterproof, lightweight, roomy, and have nice leather trim - perfect for travel. Not because they are snoburban! I swear! I have never thought of myself as a bag snob, but it was def the Bethesda bag of the moment, even if its moment was 2012 (or earlier, as one of you snoburbans invariably will comment). 

But for the winter, I thought I should upgrade to a leather bag. So I went to the Kate Spade outlet store in December. There was a sale on all purses. It was a melee, women snatching and oohing.

I bought a gorgeous leather hobo, and made my husband wrap it up for me and give it to me for Christmas. ("I love it! Thank you, honey!" I exclaimed.) 

But I haven't moved into it yet, and I'm still using the classic Longchamp bag. Is it because the Longchamp is lightweight and repels snow and is large enough to carry my new laptop? Or is it because Kate Spade seems a bit... flashy, with its prominent label? Or because it's from somewhere called an outlet mall, located in bum f..., well, not here? Dunno. Maybe I am becoming a bag snob.

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* I thought the nylon bags were a bit pricey, but a cosmopolitan teen** I know said, "Oh, a Longchamp bag! I have three or four because they are sooo cheap!"

** Who has never paid for anything through her own sweat [at Burger King for $7 an hour] in her entire life 

Science Olympiad

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Gulp. Apparently I have volunteered to be the coach of my child's Science Olympiad "Rocks and Minerals" team at his snoburban middle school. I am the only non-scientist coach. Most of them work at National Institutes of Health curing cancer or Alzheimer's. The sum total of my rocks and minerals experience is that I found a pink quartz pebble in fourth grade and it was my treasure; my father threw it out when I left for college, and I'm still bitter.

The purpose of the Science Olympiad is thus: So your kid will get into Harvard or MIT five years from now.

Some of the questions asked by parents:

How can I look at the names of the other kids on my son's team [so that I can reject their inferior brains]?

What is our strategy for winning the Nationals?

We were told that if most teams win first or second place, but one team tanks, we will not win. This happened last year. I repeat: Gulp.

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quinoa

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It is August. This is when snoburbia clears out and heads for other snoburbias in more beautiful settings - beaches, mountains, deserts.

First, you must arrive at an airport and slum it with everyone else. You will rent a car and drive for many moons through towns with Walmart and Family Dollar.

With great relief, you will know you finally have arrived at vacation snoburbia when you go into the local cafe and it lists a "quinoa* wrap with pesto and spinach." Thank God - normal food!

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*If you do not know how to pronounce "quinoa," you are not from snoburbia.

snobby nascar

 

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My friend is going to Montreal, a city I have always wanted to visit. She is going to a Formula 1 race with her husband, who used to race cars. This surprised me:

Me: You like racing??

She: It's Formula 1.

Me: You like racing??

She: It's Formula 1.

Me: What is that, like, NASCAR?

She: No! [Laugh] It's not NASCAR!

Then she gave me a list of names of some of the drivers I may have heard of through the years. They have names like Alain, Alberto, Fernando and Sebastian.*

Me: So it's snobby NASCAR.

She: [Laugh, eye roll]

Probably has better concession stands.

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* NASCAR drivers have names like Jimmie Johnson.

t-shirts no more

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My son was wearing his snoburbia OBX t-shirt a couple of months ago, and another kid said, "OBX sucks!" Upon closer look, he realized it said, "OBX," in the shape of the iconic bumper sticker - but with "obnoxious" where "Outer Banks" usually is. He liked it so he looked at the snoburbia.com website at some of the t-shirts. When he saw the "Followster" shirt, he laughed but said, "What is this, 2008? Nobody wears Hollister anymore."

Ouch. I did come up with that design in 2008, about the last time anyone in snoburbia wore Hollister. So that leads me to why I shut down my t-shirt site last week. I felt the static t-shirts page was bringing down the overall site. Although I have lots of new and fresh t-shirt ideas, actually getting them onto shirts and onto the site is very expensive. I have to pay for graphic design, programming, high-quality shirt blanks, shipping, screenprinting, plus web-hosting, site maintenance, bookkeeping and taxes. (And with my civic activism, I don't have time to keep up with it all.)

I have several hundred shirts in boxes in my house, but I feel a sense of relief. (Any ideas of what to do with them? Message me.)

I will continue to do the blog, because I constantly get ideas from just living in this interesting place. People here just crack me up, especially when they don't know it.

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straight out of snoburbia

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Finals week on the nerdy campus. (It's not in the Nerdy Nine - yet - but it's a newbie contender.) Studious gamers' nerdvana. Lots of bad shoes, neck beards, Korean and Chinese language, and quite a few hijabs. Then suddenly, down the walkway comes a fresh breeze. It's a gaggle of gals fresh out of snoburbia, fit, smiling, with long hair, blonde and brown. Couldn't have stood out more if they had tried. Then I saw one of them had a jacket on with a team logo: the women's lacrosse team.

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ssat

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My son took the SSAT this morning at a nearby prep school. To drop off, I got in line behind the Mercedes SUV, Mercedes sedan, Porsche, Lexus, and Range Rover.

Just for yucks, when it was time to pick him up a few hours later, I decided to get in line in my husband's spare car, a rusty 1991 Nissan Altima with missing hubcaps. It's the small things.

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vegas, baby

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Having an out-of-snoburbia experience. About to spend the night in Las Vegas. (I am on the way to somewhere else, I promise!) Weirdest place ever. At the airport, worn people pull at at slot machines while Christian music plays from the speakers above. A big sign reads, "Try it - Shoot a real machine gun!" Another invites me to see the male revue, Thunder from Down Under, "a feast of flesh and fantasy for women." Pass, and pass. I think I need a shower.

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beach week meeting

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A certain high school senior I know said he needed to go to a "beach week meeting" at a friend's house. A beach week* meeting? It was the third one and he had missed the first two. There was a printed agenda, including who was going to make the Costco run.

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* Beach week is when hordes of snoburbia high school seniors go to Bethany Beach the week after graduation, closely followed by the Montgomery County Police, who try to make sure kids lose their college scholarships because of underage drinking.

the joneses

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I was at a fun event, chatting with husband-and-wife doctors, when the guy said, "I have to go. I have to help my sixth grader study for his midterms." Oh my God! Help my sixth grader study for his midterms? I hadn't thought of that! Are people doing that? 

So I went home. My sixth grader was watching Nyan Cat videos.

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