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If you are a high school junior or senior in overclass snoburbia, it is a humiliation to ride the school bus. (It's bad enough your parents make you go to a school that has school buses.) Riding the school bus means you don't have a hand-me-down luxury car or a friend with one.
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If you are an overclass trophy wife with a matching teenage trophy daughter, you must shop at South Moon Under, in the Wildwood Shopping Center in Bethesda. I've never seen so much expensive blonde hair (perfect highlights, blown out straight) in one place.
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The TI-84 graphing calculator. In snoburbia, every student in Algebra 1 or above is required to have one - at $99.99 apiece.
The TI-84 is a gold mine - but not for math. The real benefit is that snoburban dads can use it to drop how advanced their kids are in math. Bonus! For example, this recent listserv request: "Does anyone have a TI-84 calculator for my 7th grade daughter who's in Algebra I?" Or this article disguised as a rant against the costly TI-83:
I turned to my Daughter. She's just finished 9th grade pre-International Baccalaureate Geometry, and also has a mandatory TI-83 graphing calculator.
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Some enterprising youths have made a killing on eBay with my son's TI-83 calculators - four stolen in two years. My husband is convinced he has bought back the exact same calculator four times.
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It's August, and in snoburbia that means one thing: It's time for the annual family photo.
Here are the rules:
1. Everyone must wear matching white shirts and khaki.
2. If you are a hipster family, everyone must wear jeans with either a white or black shirt.
3. Most important of all: Everyone must be barefoot.
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In snoburbia, when you mention your family's vacation house in New Hampshire or the Adirondacks, you must say this: "It's just a cabin. Nothing fancy. Been in the family forever."
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