« June 2010 | Main | August 2010 »
•••
A 3-day power outage in my area affected 300,000 homes. We had no air-conditioning, but did have "borrrrrrred" children and a refrigerator full of spoiled food.
On the second hot night, I walked along my dark street to the next street over (the one with the big houses). I noticed some houses had lights blazing. There was a humming sound. What the? They had generators.
•••
•••
If you are a woman in your 30s or 40s* and you are going to the snoburbia neighborhood swim club, you must wear ribbon flip-flops that match your pool bag. The must-have pool bag this year is clear-coated, patterned vinyl. You must buy it at a tiny store with a cute name like Two Coconuts. (The bag is capacious, to carry those luxuriously-thick beach towels that never dry.)
•••
* People in their 20s would rather die than be seen at the swim club.
•••
I recently had to go to a meeting in Ocean City, Md. It was surreal: I, in business suits, everyone else in bikinis and surfboards. Lots of tattoos, American cars and stucco-covered beach hotels. Children named Caden and Jaden. A band blaring Jimmy Buffett. Many people had that deep orange tan, circa 1975.
After my conference, I decided to drive up the road to see the Delaware beaches, Bethany and Rehoboth. As I drove into Bethany Beach, suddenly I felt calm, comfortable, at home. Ahhh! Breezy people. Shops selling kites and frozen yogurt.
Then I looked closely at some of the cars and had a sudden realization: They were from Bethesda or overclass towns like it up the coast. They were from snoburbia.
I felt mildly disappointed in myself. My comfort zone has narrowed. I've lived in snoburbia too long...
•••
•••
Overheard in snoburbia:
A 16-year-old boy was talking with his mother about the Mercedes he drives.
Boy: Mom - can I have some money for gas?
Mom: What? I gave you $35 earlier this week.
Boy: But this car needs premium!
•••
•••
It's the Fourth of July in snoburbia. If we are not at the beach, we are decorating our children's bicycles and strollers so they can win the prize at the bicycle parade. A Fourth of July bicycle parade is held so that overclass parents can spend hundreds of dollars on matching red, white and blue outfits for the family.
But mostly, it is to show that our town can be more quaint than yours.
Back in my old neighborhood years ago, we celebrated the holiday by throwing firecrackers on the sidewalk or by scaring the beagles next door with bottle rockets shot out of glass Pepsi bottles.
•••
If you don't live in snoburbia, you can celebrate the Fourth with the Redneck Pack.
•••
Recent Comments