snoburbia, the blog

Catholic dress code

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If you are a Catholic male living in my corner of snoburbia, you must follow the unwritten summer dress code. Men must wear polo (or Polo) shirts tucked into belted khaki shorts. You get bonus points for belts with embroidered whales or anchors. (However, whales on shorts are too flashy.) Shoes must be brown loafers. You probably should part your hair and comb it neatly to one side. This way it will stay in place while you are perfecting your lawn.

If you wear your shirt untucked, you are a heathen - possibly a Unitarian.

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phone shame

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I feel it, and now that big-box retail chain is marketing it: It's phone shame.  I am possibly the only one in all of snoburbia without an iPhone (let alone 4G) or Blackberry. I'm fine with it, but the young'uns are horrified. Our antique 2009 phones are obviously affecting their social standing.

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settling for best

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When I was living there, I heard that Washington D.C. had the oldest singles population in the country. (That's because all the good ones are gay, right? It sure seemed like that when I was dating.) But I have another theory. If you look at the states with the oldest age at first marriage, they are the states with the most snoburbs: D.C., Connecticut, New York and Massachusetts.

Maybe it's because people in snoburbia are overclass overachievers, and are used to pursuing and getting exactly what they want, first from mom and dad, then from colleges, then from potential partners.

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"As my genius friend the textile designer says, she asks on first dates or meeting men in bars, 'Do you have a passport and a library card?'"

    - Columbia and Sarah Lawrence grad Syreeta McFadden, 35, New York Times

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$800,000 just isn't what it used to be

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A real estate listing from snoburbia:

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(Thank you to Silver Spring blogger Dan Reed at Just Up the Pike for this tidbit. He's leaving the area, and we'll miss him. Best of luck to you, Dan.)

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fifth grade graduation

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At our local snoburbia elementary school, graduating fifth grade is a momentous occasion that calls for... a whole month of celebration. It's all on the continuum of indulgence to which overclass kids have become inured. (Shouldn't "graduation" be reserved for high school and college, or maybe for celebrating your Ph.D.?)

There's the awards and graduation ceremony. Okay. But there is also a pool party, a dance party (some kids came in a limo), and a class trip to Philadelphia. One thing I love, though: All the school stands outside and "claps out" the fifth graders - everyone claps and cheers as they leave the building for the last time. I'm verklempt.

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okay, okay, it's exeter

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At a party in snoburbia, I was talking to a guy who, in a conversation about how popular lacrosse is now, mentioned that he had played lacrosse 25 years ago at his "private school in the Northeast." I didn't ask where.

He tried again in a couple of minutes, saying he had gone to "prep school in New England." I still didn't ask where. Then he managed to insert into the conversation his "boarding school in New Hampshire." I didn't take the bait.

Finally, he couldn't help himself: He just said, "When I was at Exeter..."

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swishy hair

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If you are a snoburban high school-  or college-age guy in the cool set, your hair must swish just so.

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mom, i won the preachy award

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Hold on - I'm going to get preachy.

Every year at about this time, schools ply children with certificates of achievement. At a nearby entirely African American and Latino public school, they printed reams of paper. The urban school passed out dozens of certificates: for academic achievement, attendance, and every conceivable measurement. Each kid scored at least five certificates. One girl had 12.

Made the kids feel great. But is this a good thing?

A boy went to that school, then transferred to a school in overclass snoburbia. He was confident at first. Then he discovered he was two years behind in math, and also behind in English, history and science. He received no certificates. In snoburbia, you get certificates only if you win a statewide academic award, are a National Merit finalist, or are an AP Scholar.

Finally, he received a W.E.B. Du Bois Academic Excellence Award from a black students' organization - for having a 2.7 GPA. He felt good, right?

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no olivia?

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Overheard in a dressing room in snoburbia:

A girl named Sophie, who was about 13 years old, was talking about her best friends: Sophie (a different one), Sophia, Hannah, Madison, Madeleine and Emma.

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