snoburbia, the blog

nosmo king

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In overclass snoburbia, nobody smokes. I don't know even one person who smokes - openly, that is. If a person smokes, she hides it, coming to your house smelling of industrial-strength breath mints.

Smoking is okay if you are working class - or a skateboarder. (Or if you are male, smoking a cigar or pipe, in company, after cocktails).

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When a smoker chucks his cigarette butt to the curb from a car window, snoburban people go crazy, cursing in their cars, flailing their arms and hurling imaginary insults. Or is it just me?

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teavana

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In snoburbia, one drinks lots of tea. Not just black tea, mind you. It must be herbal or green or from a country where there are elephants (especially Indonesia). It must have a faux-spiritual, healing name and come from a place called Teavana or Teaism. You must drink it while wearing yoga pants.

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public vs. private school

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This week, I am registering my daughter at our excellent local high school. She is leaving her private school behind. The people at her private school are incredulous. A public school? Seriously? They keep asking us if we're sure. (Subtext: But, but... why? We're so uniquely awesome! We're not a school - we're family.)

It's like leaving a cult.

I was chatting with a guy this weekend, and within minutes, he told me he had two children at Sidwell Friends and a son at Stanford. His face lit up when I told him my daughter went to [private school]. Then he asked where my son went to school and I mentioned the name of our local high school. His face went blank. Didn't know what to say. I wasn't in his tribe anymore.

Many people who send their kids only to private schools seem to think all public schools are alike: filled with hordes of gum-throwing kids, criminals and bad teachers (à la every Hollywood depiction). Our local high school (one of the          W schools) is an amazing school, with rigorous standards, lively teachers, and very involved parents.

(And some of its students end up at Stanford.)

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soccer tournament

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I just spent all day at the snoburbia soccer tournament. The travel soccer tournament: This is where overclass parents drive overachiever children two to 10 hours away from home, and then hover over and shout at their children for hours on end.

If the child's team wins the game(s), this means he or she has a future (Stanford? Yale?). If the child's team loses, all hope is lost forever.

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overclass bus stop

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Observed, at the bus stop in front of the Chevy Chase Club, every day:

7:45 a.m. Grey-templed Caucasian men in belted khaki raincoats, wearing suits and ties and shiny black shoes.

3:00 p.m. Dust-covered Latino men in tan work boots and grey t-shirts, and Latino women in baggy clothes.

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