snoburbia, the blog

college tour

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It's spring break in snoburbia. No one is here. Everyone who isn't in the Carolinas or the Caribbean is on a college tour. We just returned from ours.

If you are a high school sophomore, junior or senior in the overclass snoburbs, visiting colleges is de rigueur, a rite of passage. This is where your parents drive or fly you all over tarnation to visit colleges and to impress adcoms* with your credentials and charm.

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Back in the day, this was my college tour: My parents bought me a trunk, into which I packed all my stuff. On the day before classes began, mom and dad tearfully waved goodbye as my older brother drove me to my college, sight unseen, and dropped me off.

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* The most important people in the world: college admissions officers.

greige

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Crocuses are blooming, and the denizens of snoburbia are considering paint chips.* If you live in the overclass snoburbs, you may choose paint for the exterior of your house from among these colors (only):

1. beige
2. grey

Oh, and a third: greige.

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* At least one must be Benjamin Moore.

beware hillbillies!

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From my snoburb's local listserv:

[Residents in the] Bethesda - Chevy Chase Area [should] be on the lookout for three groups of men claiming to be tree workers...  [T]hey are scammers who are targeting our immediate area... They are going door to door and are targeting our area because of our general wealth.

The authorities believe the groups are out of Culpeper, Va. They drive Ford and Chevy pick-up trucks with racks on the back made of wood...

[Town] Manager, Martin's Additions

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things you don't see in snoburbia, part trois

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In snoburbia, our cars do not wear "My child is an honor roll student at [outer suburbia elementary school]" bumper stickers - or any of their iterations. One presumes every student in overclass snoburbia is of advanced standing.

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[Yeah, I know, I know, but] I actually kind of liked this one: "My kid sells term papers to your honor student."

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more millionaires

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Finally, during this economic crisis, comes some heartwarming good news: In 2009, the number of millionaires soared!

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private school uniform(ity)

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If you are a private school or Catholic school boy between the ages of 12 and 18, and you are going to the snoburbia mall to hang out with your friends, it is mandatory that you wear:

1. A hoodie sweatshirt emblazoned with your school's name and a sport, preferably crew, hockey or lacrosse
2. Really baggy grey sweatpants (or, in a pinch, baggy khakis)
3. Timberland boots

Must. Not. Deviate.

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Does this mean North Face finally is on its way out?

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fear the turtle

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This year, in-state colleges are dissing in-state applicants. This has gotten the overclass Ivy League-or-die crowd interested. People in snoburbia thrive on rejection*.

University of Maryland is turning away in-state kids in droves - even those from the hot magnet programs in Montgomery County. A Blair magnet student was overheard protesting that she got in but didn't even get a scholarship. (How dare they?)

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Why reject native sons?:

[U]niversities are looking harder at nonresident students and their tuition dollars during the recession.... Out-of-state students generally pay the full cost of their education, effectively subsidizing their in-state classmates. 
- Washington Post

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* of others

freecycle

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People in snoburbia love Freecycle. We get to acquire more stuff, and feel at the same time that we are saving the planet. It's a twofer!

I am addicted to magazines like crack, so when I saw on the Bethesda - Chevy Chase Freecycle listserv that a woman was giving away several bags, I responded immediately. Even before I walked up the flagstone walkway to her neo-Mission style house, I knew she was a woman of the snoburbs. Why? Her magazines: Body + Soul, Real Simple, Town & Country, Travel & Leisure, The New Republic, The Economist, and The New Yorker.

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