snoburbia, the blog

it takes a village

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If you live in snoburbia, your neighborhood must have a quaint appendage like “village” or “town” –  the Village of Scarsdale, the Town of Darien, Chevy Chase Village . This is to distinguish your neighborhood from the nouveau one with a similar name a half-mile away.

For instance, outsiders generally consider all of Michigan’s Grosse Pointes to be beautiful, sought-after suburbs. But no. Grosse Pointers have their own rankings, depending on which suffix they use, as in:  “I live in The Farms [and wouldn’t be caught dead in those other Grosse Pointes.]”

And the entire state of Virginia doesn’t consider itself a state at all but the “Commonwealth of Virginia.”

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Urban Dictionary has some funny definitions of Grosse Pointe here.

the summer and nothing but the whole summer

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There is nowhere lovelier than the Hamptons. But what would the summer be without reminders of snoburbia? Writer Colson Whitehead reveals the overclass code implicit in a simple question, in his book, Sag Harbor:

How long are you out for?—and the competition had begun. The magic answer was Through Labor Day or The Whole Summer. Anything less was to signal misfortune. Out for a weekend at the start of the season, to open up the house, sweep cracks, that was okay. But only coming out for a month? A week? What was wrong, were you having financial difficulties?

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after-prom in snoburbia

 

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In snoburbia, the after-prom is a wonderful time for hanging out with your friends for the last time before you all go to college. But more importantly, in Bethesda and Potomac, Md.’s W-Schools, it’s also a time for hauling home some major loot, like laptops, flat-screen tvs, and iPods.

But alas – not this year, according to the Gazette newspapers. Because of the worsening economy, this year the W-Schoolers will have to make do with board games and bean bag tosses.

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show me your report card

 
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From the bio of Huffington Post blogger and overachiever Paul Abrams:

Paul Abrams, M.D., J.D., is an entrepreneur who is currently a consultant in biotechnology, and chairs a bioremediation company. He was formerly President, CEO and Director of one publicly-traded, and another privately-held, biotechnology company, inventor on 12 US patents, co-editor of two scientific books and has published more than 35 peer-reviewed articles. ...He received doctorate degrees in medicine and in law, and a B.A. summa cum laude in Political Science & Economics, all from Yale University. He is a board-certified oncologist and was editor of the Yale Law Journal. A former intercollegiate swimmer, he enjoys scuba-diving, general exercise, film, theater and plays guitar...

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...and will your dirt bikes and Rottweiler be staying?

 

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From a Miss Manners advice column in The Washington Post:

Dear Miss Manners:
My husband and I are renting a nice home in an upscale neighborhood outside Washington. Since moving in, at least a dozen neighbors have approached us with the off-putting welcome of “So, you are renting this house?”
We both find the question to be rather forward and rude.
Without knowing our reason for renting, it puts us on the defensive for not being “able” to buy a home, when, in fact, we are more than able to; we just choose not to in this current market.
Could you help us with an appropriate comeback that lets them know that yes, we are renters, but that in no way makes us second-class citizens and we don’t appreciate having to defend our status?

Don’t you want to get the curtains up before you start sparring with the neighbors?
Miss Manners is not at all sure that you have any cause. …Maybe they like you and are hoping you are there to stay. Maybe they also rent.
Besides, don’t you know that nowadays, seeming rich is considered more offensive than seeming poor?

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2 venti lattes to go, and fast

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Observed in snoburbia: Two Montgomery County police officers hanging out in the local Starbucks, drinking venti lattes and writing their reports.

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it's too late, baby

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In the snoburbs, a 9 year old is too old. I was considering having my son, who is still in elementary school, try out for a higher-level soccer team. But I was told that, “it’s probably too late.”

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From The Overachievers:

Select soccer teams advertise in newspapers for players who are “committed, experienced, athletic, and competitive” – at age seven. Even non-pushy parents get the sense that they have to enroll their children in high-level leagues at the youngest ages possible so they don’t get shut out of that option when they’re older.

As one Virginia father complained to U.S. News, “where we live, travel soccer starts at the U-9 level. [If you resist,] you will be told, ‘Your kids will quickly fall behind and not make the team when they are ten.’ If you want your kid to play in high school, you have to start [travel] at ten, and if you want to travel at ten, you have to play travel at eight.” Added a soccer mom, “It’s an arms race.”

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