snoburbia, the blog

... and i'd like to thank the academy

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In snoburbia, it is very important when you run a school event – such as a silent auction or school fair – to thank your volunteers publicly and graciously as many times as possible.

It’s not enough to thank them on the night of the event. Or even the day after. You must also thank them in the PTA newsletter, thank them in the school bulletin, thank them on the school listserv and thank them at the next parent meeting. This is because the volunteers also will be thanking you publicly for the next week, and you don’t want to look ungrateful. As a leader, if you thank people more times than they thank you, you win.

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my SUV can carry more honor students

 

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A letter to the editor, New York Times:

A better name for the Suburban, depicted in “A Big Hulk Rolls In as the Latest Status Symbol” (Styles, May 12), would be the Pretendin’. Pretendin’ there is an infinite supply of gasoline. Pretendin’ one is buying it for utility instead of as a status symbol. And pretendin’ that one doesn't realize how inappropriate and awkward it is for getting around in narrow streets like those on Cape Cod, where the vehicle is inordinately popular.

(May 1996)

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It’s like the Canyonero on the Simpsons. The monster SUV. You see it, hulking around the snoburbs – usually with one person inside, driving 3 blocks to the grocery store.

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but it's only wafer-thin

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If I see another North Face jacket in my local snoburb, I will explode like that guy in the Monty Python sketch who eats just one more wafer-thin mint.

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(I hope it will soon go the way of the Members Only jacket. Does anyone remember that one?)

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the college admission interview

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It’s an annual rite of passage in the snoburbs: the alumni interview. This is where those who made it to the Ivy League back in the day get to interview overachiever high school seniors (also known as “payback.”)

Acing all those APs, being captain of the lacrosse team and taking that volunteer trip to feed Darfur refugees will certainly get you in, right? Maybe not – Harvard had a record 29,000 applications this year for 1,700 slots. Children of the baby boomer overclass have reached maturity, and the pool of applicants is more qualified than ever  – and they are still not getting in. 

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So, two words of advice from one college interviewer to the children of the meritocracy who want to follow in their parents’ footsteps: Dress up, fergodsakes!

I remember taking the interviews pretty seriously, getting dressed up in my blue blazer, rep tie, and tan wool dress pants, … This is a different age, apparently. None of the kids have shown up in what I'd consider interview attire. One showed up in cotton track pants and matching hoodie. Another in a pair of low riding jeans and a hint of midriff exposed.

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the geek shall inherit the earth

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Proof positive that smart nerdy types are finally getting their day in the mainstream sun:

1.  John Turturro is a spokesman for Heineken (during a football game, no less).
2.  Fanboys is playing at the cineplex.

All over snoburbia, pushy parents and science nerds are rejoicing.

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overheard at the snoburbia swim center on a winter evening

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In snoburbia, it is not enough for children to swim competitively in the summer. Overachiever children must train, train, train all year long.

A tired looking 12-year-old girl got out of an SUV and walked into the mega Montgomery County, Md. swim center on a snowy February evening –

Mom: Work hard!
Child: [glare]

It was 7 p.m. on a school night.

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the envy of all washingtonians

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From a letter to the editor of Washingtonian (D.C.) magazine:

I made another comment … that living on the west side of the Village is like being on “the other side of the tracks.”…This was a relative comment and was completely misinterpreted. Living anywhere in Chevy Chase Village is wonderful, prestigious, charming and the envy of all Washingtonians. I have two homes on the west side…”

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